They’re a very progressive lib, I love them to death, we’re even getting married. I read and listen to more about socialist stuff, but they 100% do more IRL praxis and organizing than I do both in work and their free time, while my job pays the bills, but is a multiplier of the capitalist hellscape we all live in. Anyway, they were on cloud 9 all week, loving the DNC, was super happy after the last speech, etc. Unfortunately they brought up Palestine, I think trying to cheer up my maybe less than enthused reaction because they know it’s something I care about, and said at least they mentioned it a couple times, and they probably can’t talk about it too much because of on going negotiations, but we should see how things shake out in the next week or so, etc. I couldn’t help myself, and said I will try to believe that to cope.

“Cope?” “Well ya, I would love to believe that, I just find it a little hard. Bibi has been dangling a ceasefire forever. What happened to the one the UN approved before? That was supposed to be be “Israel’s” deal. But now Hamas is coming off as the reasonable ones for not wanting to negotiate because they keep changing the negotiations until they can kill the next negotiator. I would stop negotiating if I was them, too!”

I then went on to say that I wish I could’ve been swept up in the hype, too, and I was sometimes, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as them because every time the speakers talked about sticking up for the voiceless, the minorities, the people, I thought about the Palestinians they didn’t let give the most DNC-basic speech ever. Every time they talked about not tolerating bullies, I thought about the US cozying up to one of the biggest bullies in the world in Israel. Every time they said Israel has a right to defend itself, I asked myself why doesn’t Palestine. They let families of the hostage speak, who then said more about Gaza civilians than our own politicians. It was hypocritical.

Well, then my partner cried themselves to sleep, and has been silent and sad all today, too. They said they feel stupid for being the only one to enjoy it, that they were feeling so elated and full of hype and now it’s gone, and they feel kind of like a fool for feeling that hype. I guess I knocked the wind out of their sails, and apparently the “h” word hit super hard because they said they’ve been thinking about it all day. Not sure in what way. Are they going to come at me angry and with some counter argument later, or if do they feel as guilty as I do for being caught up in this colonial project and is feeling about it weird that way, too? Idk. Guess I’ll find out when I get home later tonight.

All I know is that they’ve been anxious all day, apparently on the verge of a panic attack, terse and muted in texts, not even sure they’ve enjoyed their outing with friends. Fuck. Idk what to do. They’re happiness and optimism was kind of keeping me sane. I should’ve just kept it all balled up inside of me like I usually do lol. I want to tell them that these have been my thoughts all week, that the contradictions have been causing me unease and psychic damage. But then I know they’ll feel even worse and I don’t need them taking on my emotions when they are clearly going through something and can barely handle their own right now.

I need some release on these feelings that won’t backfire on our relationship. Hopefully organizing helps. I already said in another thread this might be the push I need to join a local org. If they do come for a fight later today, they can accurately point out that I don’t do much than post and read, and I’ve even been reading less recently; there won’t be anything I can say to that but get owned lol. If it helps them feel better, it’s probably worth it for the mood in our house to improve. And maybe that will help me push me more to do something active, touch grass, talk to people, and that will in the long run help me feel better about living in the imperial core, where I benefit from these abhorrent policies.