I don’t see MAGA people as the enemy because they want to pay less in taxes. I see them as the enemy because they don’t think my kids should exist in society and are actively passing legislation to make it so.

Delete this shit take.

You’d put a Choco Taco in your choco taco? Fierce.

This is the correct answer. The first time it cramped, my wife was begging me to stand on it as I massaged it while screaming in agony. The second time it happened she wasn’t home, so I decided to just try what she had told me to do and poof the pain disappeared.

Get fucked, traitor. 🖕

I once had three students in one class who were all named José. For the purpose of avoiding confusion, I asked if it would be alright if I called them Hose-A, Hose-B, and Hose-C and they all loved the idea.

This is a true story. The day they were all absent and I got to ask the class “Where my Hoses at?” was a red letter day in my life.

Awesome. Not having an issue with Lifelock or the fact that they let me know this. The issue is with a pharmacy needing to verify my identity so that I can get my acid reflux meds.

Sorry, my human, but naw…this has never been necessary in the history of humanity. Kroger doesn’t need to make sure I’m me. The doctor says fill the scrip, you fill it.

Downvote me all you want.

Oh, don’t you worry your sweet little head, we will.

I voted for Oregon Measure 117 which will institute Ranked Choice Voting statewide in all elections.

Such a hard-ass line. Went out like a fucking boss.

When I was 18, I was slinging tapes as a Blockbuster assistant manager, and my go-to recommendation for customers was Strange Days. Then at age 40, I finally realized I was trans, and somewhere down the line it occurred to me that my love of this film should have been a clue.

Do you do that? I don’t do that.

Vs.

You do that? I don’t that.

Number 1 wins.

“If you use a wheelchair, then protect yourself by using a pair of crutches behind the soldiers I’m about to mow down.”

To combat Chinese gold farmers, Blizzard started selling gold in a bit of a roundabout way. For $20, you can buy a WoW token to sell on the auction house. This token can be purchased by a player and traded for 1 month of game time. Some players dont pay a dime to play - gold is not hard to acquire.

Eve Online has been doing that since 2008.

Good. Fuck Apple.

I think that’s what the college kids were playing with when I was in high school.

Started college in 1995, and I indeed did have ICQ before too long. Still remember my number (6725571).

You probably had all three installed on your computer and probably all running at once.

I remember using a program called Trillian (which is still around!) in the late 90s/early 00s. It allowed you to connect multiple IM accounts in one app. It was sorta finicky, but it got the job done.

“Dr.” Bubs is in Quadrant III. He’s the most quackinest.

One…two princes kneel before you.

One has diamonds in his pockets and never lies. The other wants to buy you rockets and never tells the truth.

What is the one question you could ask of only one of the princes to learn what a prince and lover ought to be so that your father won’t eat his hat and disown you?

Why you wanna starve Captain Blond Beard Mark Watney? Uncool.

I quit doing Christmas a dozen years ago, and I’ve never been happier. I’m an anti-capitalistic athiest…I don’t give a Fuck One about keeping Jeebus in Crimmis, and I am just not real big on spending hundreds of dollars buying things for people that I think they might like (but probably won’t) just because it happens to be the fourth week of December again. That shit’s bonkers and is for the fucking birds.

Hell naw. You keep your $40 and buy yourself something you want or need, I’ll do the same, and you and I will just moosh calendars and share time and a meal together without propping up capitalism.