I’m going to be 35 and nothing changes my life has been a boring slow downward spiral. Sometimes I welcome death to take me but unless it’s a heart attack I don’t see that happening anytime soon. And I don’t feel like ending myself.

Still sexless, loveless with literary no friends and with a temp job that I dislike. I just drift in this world, I guess I could be worse, living under a bridge, but I still live with my mother and uncle, sleeping in a minuscule room shared with my uncle (he’s another “loser” like me in his late 40s non married living with his sister, my mom). I’m sure y’all heard this before, life is unfair, and it’s true, and I’m sure some other people out there are doing worse than me and are better “fighters” in life. But I’m not them, I’ll never be them, it’s not in me being that type of person.

Btw I’m not saying this just to get a response from you and I don’t need a “happy birthday” reply… If anything that would piss me off more due being insincere, you are not my family and you don’t care about me in the slightest (and rightfully so). But I just needed to say this to ease my pain.

Now maybe you can understand why I welcome the reaper, maybe you can tell me if you’re in a similar situation.

  • CoelacanthEnglish
    2·
    13 hours ago

    I relate to a lot of what you’re writing - almost all of it in fact. Though my birthday is in the middle of the summer so my “feeling like shit due to being reminded of the passage of time” is evenly spaced throughout the year. In a way it would be nice to get them both out of the way around new year’s like this.

    I don’t have any helpful words. I’m also just drifting between distractions as I wait for either the courage to end it or death to find me of its own accord. And I relate to the guilt of knowing I have it “easy” really, and can’t manage even given this favourable hand. I’m not going to say that it gets better, because I’ve never experienced that. All you can do is try to find solace in the fact that none of it matters, we’re all insignificant and ultimately fated to be dust, dispersed and forgotten. So the rat race doesn’t matter, and whether you make it within its confines or fail doesn’t matter. There is some hope to be had in that thought, though I often fail to hold on to it myself.

    Also, it might be cheesy but who cares. Sometimes when I feel like shit this song makes me feel a little better. It is somewhat comforting to know that you’re not alone, and I hope I managed to convey at least that.

      • Hossenfeffer@feddit.ukEnglish
        21·
        2 hours ago

        All the responses are real.

        You just choose to dismiss any that suggest you do something, anything, to change your life for the better. Just like you do post after post.

        At least you could be honest about it and start your posts with “I’m not looking for advice or help because I will ignore it. I just want to wallow in self pity.”