Hi everyone! It’s my first post here in an attempt to make this community a bit more active.
I’ve been recently diagnosed at 26 so it’s all pretty new to me. However, I really appreciate the fact that now I have a new vocabulary to talk about the stuff I experience and communities like this which might be helpful in understanding myself better.
I’m a Software Engineer and I love everything related to programming / Linux / Computer Science. It’s been quite literally the most important part of my life since I was like 15. Usually it’s great but sometimes when I get a new idea I tend to hyperfixate pretty hard on it to the point where it becomes quite tiring. It could be an idea for a new project, a new technology to learn or to configure something in my Linux setup. Right now it’s moving my entire computer setup to NixOS.
When I fixate on something like this I usually spend pretty much all of my free time on it. Moreover, my sleep usually is hurt as well because I often can’t fall asleep thinking about the stuff I’m currently working on. I will literally lie in bed trying to fall asleep and my brain tries to solve problems or plans and designs stuff. I will spend most of my weekends in front of the computer, even though I love spending time outside, especially in the nice summer weather. But I just can’t seem to stop. I force myself to go for walks and runs but it’s not really relaxing because, you guessed it, I’m thinking about my project all the time. If I try to distract myself with a podcast I will often notice 15 minutes in that I stopped listening after the first minute or so.
I need some way to balance this computer stuff with other things in my life. I just need to chill out sometimes. To play some games, watch some youtube or read a book lying in a hammock without thinking about programming literally every minute I’m awake.
The best solution I found so far is weed. It’s not 100% effective but in general getting high and going outside tends to help me relax at least a bit. Well, travelling or meeting with people is usually effective in breaking my train of thoughts too. But obviously it comes with its own set of challenges and it’s not something I’m willing to do often.
So, fellow autists, do you experience something similar? How do you deal with it? Please share advice, experience, or anything related.
I get this too. I got diagnosed at 11 but my father actively blocked any kind of therapy or coaching so I just kind of ignored it (and suffered as a result) until my 30s or so. I remember lamenting to my friends as a teenager that I wish I could just “switch off” sometimes, it’s exhausting to be constantly on and mentally running. And like you, I’ve also found weed to be very helpful - with sleep, mostly, and my appetite.
I don’t have any advice though, sorry bud. All I can offer is some solidarity that you’re not alone and this experience of yours isn’t abnormal.
Well, that, and maybe trying hallucinogens at some point. I really like the way mushrooms change the way I think, and the residual mood boost for a few days after is quite nice too. Good luck!
I’m in a similar boat too, but I don’t have any advice either sadly. I’ve been struggling with managing hyperfixations my whole life too so all I can offer is sympathy. The switching off issue is especially rough and has been ruining my sleep my whole life.
I can’t use weed medically sadly since my country is insanely archaic in terms of drug policy, but hopefully it will change some day. I’m glad some people out there get some relief.
Thanks! Solidarity is more than enough. Maybe it’s the novelty of my diagnosis but just finding out that there are people sharing some of my struggles gives me some kind of a relief.
I’m actually familiar with both shrooms and LSD. While I had mostly positive experiences with them, it wasn’t anything life changing. Definitely didn’t affect that part of my life. Still fun though.
I wish you all the best too!