Hello all. I wanted to make this post because I feel like venting a bit. I know the “cure” to my problem is CBT or exposure therapy, but I was hoping to speak to like-minded people or anybody who feels like sharing their thoughts.
I hate that I’m not able to enjoy summer like most others. I hate that I flinch at the very sound of buzzing or the sight of flying insects. I know that it’s an irrational fear, I know it’s not normal and I know I look stupid when I cover my ears or flee into my room whenever I see or hear an insect. I’ve been told “they can’t hurt you, they’re nothing” so many times and I know they can’t hurt me but why is there minimal understanding of this phobia? I hate that whenever I tell people about this, I’m mostly met with “yeah they’re disgusting I hate them too”; it’s not that I find them disgusting, it’s that they cause me heart-pumping palm-sweating fear. It’s that I can’t enjoy landscapes and being out in the country like regular folks, I’m always alert and on the watch whenever I’m on an excursion because the fear and anxiety is so greatly installed in me. It’s that I sometimes end up hallucinating the buzzing sounds that jerks me awake.
This definitely sounds like self-pity, and honestly it is. Because sometimes you just feel sorry for yourself and today is that day for me. I hope I can enjoy this summer despite these creatures. I hope I can speak to people who suffer from the same phobia, or people with any degree of empathy at all.
Fwiw, I used to be phobic of any fast flying insect until I could confirm it wasn’t a bee, wasp, or similar stinging insect because that’s how phobic I was of stinging insects.
That heart pounding, sweaty fear reaction is totally relatable to me.
And it was exposure that helped me get to the point where my reaction to the fear is within rational boundaries. Since I’m allergic to the damn things, the fear itself is not only rational, but a safety measure. That’s how the phobia got started as a kid; I’d get stung, have a lot of pain, then start the process of anaphylaxis. Kind of etches fear into any creatures bee-like lol.
But, after an event as a young adult, where I literally ran away from a bumble bee and left my patient that I was there to take care without support, I had to get a handle on things. Fwiw, the patient was fine, noting bad happened because of me abandoning him, but it could have been very bad.
It took maybe a year of exposure to get to the point where I could not feel my butthole pucker at a buzzing sound, much less see a bee and freak out. But I got there.
And once you get to the point where the phobia is controlled, it lasts. The exposures were back in the nineties, and just yesterday a bumblebee was circling me while I was taking care of the chickens, and there was only a split second of fear. I know that bumbles aren’t aggressive, so I could just stay there and appreciate the beauty of it while I worked.
Had that been a wasp or hornet I would have left the area as a safety measure, and would have done so pretty dam fast, and with fear, but I wouldn’t have done anything absurd in the process, I would have had control. And that’s why exposure therapy is worth the discomfort along the way, that ability to now control how you react to the fear.
No shit, I used to freak out at pictures or video of bees, but I genuinely find them cute now. Wasps and hornets can fuck right off, but I can appreciate their beauty in pictures now, and that’s an awesome thing in the literal sense of awesome where it amazes me at the change possible in the human mind.
Just so you know, the bumblebee was mapping you. Strange tall object where there wasn’t one yesterday. Quick lap to confirm and off they go.
I live in the land of the “murder hornet”. Trust me: if one of those is nosing around you, the WORST thing you can do is suddenly evacuate.
Asian giant hornets are pretty chill. Just let them go wherever they want and do whatever they like without interfering (they’re kind of like the Triads that way) and they won’t sting you with incredibly painful venom that literally melts your skin. But if you tick them off or make any sudden moves around them (like quickly running away) and they get mean. Really mean.