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One time a phone demon called my mom and tried to convince her that her grandson was in jail and she needed to send the police dozens of phone cards right away or he was in big trouble. And that’s not even the worst one. I wish she just got calls trying to get her to buy bug spray.

Over half of Americans read at below a 6th grade reading level. So it makes sense that they want to bring back picture books.

If you’re going to write a power fantasy for the internet at least make it cool. Add some lasers or epic street fights. Add in some part where you outsmart the librul professor who hates god. “I found a job in a shitty industry and only prostitutes will fuck me” is not the flex you think it is.

If the tank isn’t filling for whatever reason just take off the lid and fill it with a water glass from the sink, or whatever is on hand. Once it’s filled it will flush. Unless it’s just totally blocked down below.

Trump is hogging all the donations and isn’t sharing the piggy bank with the state party peons. Oh no!

What’s next? Sovereign citizen bullshit?

Judge, I’m a natural born… what was it… citizen. You cannot charge me for anything. It’s true! Just look at the charters! Those, uhm, charters. I was merely traveling through Georgia. You have to let me go right now. Believe me, I know my rights!

Why should he lie about it though? His superfans actually want him to become a dictator.

OB-GYN’s have already been fleeing Idaho. This is just going to accelerate it. Pretty soon they won’t have any maternity wards left because these batshit Christians want to have absolute control over all women in the state.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/aug/22/abortion-idaho-women-rights-healthcare

I mean they do that with people, so why not pigs too?

We found the perfect loophole guys! Instead of the company itself funding hatred and trying to get rid of equal rights we’ll just have the owner, the one who profits from the company do it himself! Genius! The company is family owned. If you eat there you are directly funding these sociopathic billionaires.

At press time, Wheeler announced he would instead be attending PragerU.

That last line brought the whole thing together.

Someone else in my household pays for it so I have it for now… but I haven’t touched it in months.

Why do they keep talking about Nikki? The Civil War? What was that? She’s getting all the attention! So much attention. I better wade in. The civil war… what was it again? Slavery? I bet they could have negotiated to keep slavery. Don’t say that part? OK, but I can say negotiation, right?