Thanks. I’m feeling much better now but will still reply. I tried not to do those things as I was in a dark place and now have to channel my thoughts in a more productive way… now focusing on family and development more, kind of forcing it. And it helped me a lot though it’s far from a perfect journey. Try reading my other comment replies!
Thank you for the help brother. I recently had a short dream of her where she tried to be lovey dovey to me but I didn’t show love, it’s kinda weird but I think that says something lol. Also focusing on family:)
That’s kind of how I felt; her reaction made it obvious that she was hiding it. It’s especially hard to feel okay because I was raised to highly respect and value women and I started blaming myself more than I should have. Thank you brother. I have cut her off and feel better.
Thank you for the advice brother. I created as much distance i could, and used to think of contacting her again, but forced myself to stick to my decision. It feels like that part of my brain that once used to pulse with love is now turned off. Although I hadn’t felt love in a long time in my relationship either. I focused on myself and did professional and personal development. I’m sure I am on the right path right now!
Thanks, it was hard to get every trace of her away from my phone, she had sent me 1700 pics. Gotta be more strict in the future.
Thank you. She used the friends card after I found out about her bf, only had mentioned being friends once without explanation many months prior. But I didn’t think she’d be sending pics ot her behind to a friend, tbh.
she said “as a friend” only once, and dropped went back to calling me intimate names and sending intimate pics
Thank you. At this point we have 2 ESH, 2 NTA and 2 NAH so idk where we going lol.
She never clearly said that we are together, of course romantic terms implied that it was true. About over a month ago she sent me undeniably spicy pics too, making me believe further that we were together, and blamed her reduced talking on her depression so I thought we were together still.
I stayed there even when she emotionally checked out because I know depression is a tough phase and I made sure to express love and care daily to her. So I never really emotionally detached and didn’t pick up the cues apparently, she does admit the relationship ended about a month ago but that she never said it then, only mentioned it months prior.
Hey thanks for the kind words although I have my fair share of negatives. Perhaps emotional connection is one of those negatives, that her bf is better at? But I knew I couldn’t be with a girl with apparent second choices, even if it wasn’t that way, and told her bf barely sufficient evidence of what was happening because bro code.
I have blocked her but have the bf in my contacts. I just left the conversation with him after letting him know that I existed (and learning that he existed). I may be open to talking to the guy, what should I ask him?
That first paragraph was a great explanation. Thank you for that perspective there.
It’s kind of weird that first relationships rarely do work out. It’s only the third day now so maybe I should let time do its thing. This will only make me stronger but this does make me afraid of having a relationship in the future! Will not touch any drugs, thanks.
Thanks mate. I’m not heartbroken, but the thing is I HAVE NO FEELINGS AT ALL. If anything I feel glad that I found out she had a bf and blocked her, instead of staying with her not knowing about it. In all honesty. I’m just bored and tired that the relationship occupies my mental resources. There’s nothing else to think of when I’m not actively doing something. You’re right, it feels like I lost the future and now I’m not sure what it feels like to be single. I’m carrying on with my studies but when I’m not studying or watching youtube I find myself thinking of the relationship and I have to force myself to do something I can’t just sit and not be bored.
I used to think of calculus and mathematical problems all the time when i was single, I solved all of those complicated problems by now. Now I have nothing to think of at all. I know this doesn’t seem a reply to your post, and thank you for your advice, but the major issue isn’t heartbreak anymore - more so the unproductivity and boredom on my head that keeps lingering.
You say getting under someone else helps… that’s a good idea, but how can I find solace in myself at the moment? I don’t want to be with someone just because I can’t deal with this myself. Thank you.
I used to talk about her body, call her sexy and talk about how attracted I was to her sexual features. It was back and forth too, I had 500+ pics of her like that. That time we had lots of sexual conversation but she started resenting my sexual urges after some time and so I reduced mentioning it or asking her for sexual pics. I’m the AH for asking her for that stuff without confirming she’s comfortable with that talk. I did stop when she said it’s too much, though. And I did some sexual talk when she sent me spicy pics out of the blue e.g. last month, and she got angry at things like “nice thighs” for example or any mention of her bodily features even in a nonsexual tone she’d get angry at me for being sexual all the time
EDIT: at the end I asked her how she could blame me being sexual all the time when I had stopped well a year ago, she said she was sad about that time from a year ago even if I’d improved
Honestly I’d say we had set boundaries and were following them. The problem came so more at the end of the relationship when her sending me pics (even spicy ones) or slightly reciprocating love verbally was seen by me as an indication of being in a relationship still. She claims it changed a month ago but never said it’s over between us concretely, neither did I ask, so that’s on me. Now I just think of what I would have did wrong, but just decided to listen to Astroworld and now I’m feeling like I wanna focus on improving my life instead. It’s fire.
My first love felt special because she was the e-girl people were after, kinda, and she carried me in Minecraft lol. But in hindsight both of us dreamed too far and misled each other into expectations. Your boy was so carried away he thought it’d be for life :(
Gotta say our relationship was a good chunk of emotional abuse too lol, except that we worked on that and slowly overcame problems. Now that I think of it perhaps we should have ended, but understanding how to act on disagreements really helped ngl.
I agree with you, I think love is a beautiful force but your boy does have a delicate heart! So when I fell for it I FELL FOR IT and now it feels hard feeling like a single person, it’s been two years. Good thing is that I feel no hate for her or her bf, bad thing is I’m questioning every decision I made in the relationship amd whether it was right or wrong. I’m also way below average (bottom tier) so it’s gonna be even harder irl man. <3
When she sent me pics and reciprocated love I never considered it could be as a friend, and I was very shallow for that! I feel hurt but the past days I’ve just focused on what I did wrong, and thinking of it I never considered her cues more than a depression phase. Would have blocked her sooner if I knew she had a bf, but atleast I learnt something from this and just wished her bf the best.
For the future I’ll probably ensure that concrete terms such as gf are used that clearly imply a relationship. Thanks for the advice bro.
Hey thanks for the input.
Does kinda hit hard because it’s been a while since I was single. When I asked her when we “broke up”, she said it’s been a month but never concretely expressed it. I think I let the boundaries be too lose man.
Your boy fell too hard in love lol. I thought she was a cheater but I’ll pass on that then, it was partially my fault too.
It’s interesting though, I posted this twice on reddit and once here, I’ve received 1 ESH, 1 NTA and 1 NAH
It’s been so long man. But damn I had to struggle, and I am at a better place now. Still a student, but I have grown a lot. Bless you for helping me at a vulnerable time. It still hurts sometime, but I know I have made a lot of progress in positive things.