You can do anything you put your mind to, unless you’re the guy who got merked by a crossbow from 100 yards away.

He’s trying to help you figure out a gorilla joke for this post

My jimmies remain unrustled

We let adults decide in 2016 and they fucked it up, so giving kids a chance makes sense.

The lamppost knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn’t.

oh my gah

“check out this cool stick I found bro”

Why is Uni called “big boobs”?

That predates Shakespeare. Imagine if Shakespeare had written a play about gamer oppression.

Why is the giant tentacle monster in the desert? Someone should help the poor thing get back to the ocean before it dehydrates

The problem is Alfred Hitchcock is dead. He’s the only one that could do this justice.

Skill issue

This is why I don’t understand why people want to live near the beach. Doesn’t the deafening chorus of oinks and stench of pig manure bother them?

The only distinct memory I have of Sears is when I got to try out the Nintendo Virtual Boy in their electronics section back in ~95. I was very excited because I thought Nintendo could do no wrong at that point. Needless to say, I was disabused of that notion very quickly.

Fringe

Bones so strong they can hold themselves up without soft tissue.

Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

Better hope he doesn’t ask where Fanta comes from

Fanta originated in Germany as a Coca-Cola alternative in 1941 due to the American trade embargo of Nazi Germany

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanta

Yes