When you’re a conventionally attractive trans woman, your week can be a combo move that goes transphobic harassment>sexual harassment>transphobic harassment. When you’re a dedicated person doing things that are important to you and the world, you don’t always react to those experiences immediately. You delay the inevitable emotional responses in favor of continued action and productivity. Today I am off work, and those emotional responses have to be had. They’re not going anywhere, and they need to be felt before they start affecting my performance in the important parts of my life. So today I’m sad and tired and a little scared. I need to pick up injection supplies from the pharmacy, but I’m just laying in bed crying intermittently. Mostly my life has never been better. I have real friends. I’m essential to a job that is genuinely important. There are people who are properly medicated and living better lives because of my guidance and consultation. There are people who aren’t on opiods, who are shaking their addictions to alcohol and harder drugs, because of my knowledge and advice. These are the important aspects of my life. But they don’t remove the necessity of these terrible feelings. They’re just strong enough to displace them until it’s convenient. Which is today. So today I’m sad and tired and a little scared.