Sad posting. Long

I’m the type of person who likes to share life moments and nice things. I also love if others do this, I’m the person who never minded people posting their morning coffee vibes on FB.

So we have this family chat. I don’t have friends other than work buddies who I don’t really socialize with outside work. I am audhd and don’t mind the solitude. But, I often share stuff I think might be nice to the fam in our chat. And they most often can’t be arsed to even react in any way. They do react to the posts of my younger siblings or the posts my dad makes, but my posting is such a given that it is just there. This aligns with our family dynamic anyway.

My youngest sibling especially who I am sort of a surrogate mom for typically never even looks at what I post, I see him pop online for a split second after I say something and know he didn’t even bother to look at it or read it. Often resulting in not answering my questions as well, which is super frustrating for planning anything with him. Question like “so what time you will be here” anf he just doesn’t bother, often leaving me hanging for days. It aligns with the way he treats me outside of the chat too. I am always there for him, always have been. (Tbf he is now coming to terms with his undiagnosed adhd, but paradoxically his unmasking is making him even more toxic. Not much masking was ever demanded of him in the first place, but he definitely doesn’t see that or how different it has been for us older siblings, both afab.)

Then they all say how nice it is that we are this close and have this active family chat when we do see each other, even though they rarely keep it active.

So it makes me feel sad when it happens. I have tried to stop sharing stuff with them, but turns out I can’t. I don’t really have any social media accounts to share stuff in anymore and those made me feel even more sad and alienated. I find it to be a bit soulcrushing that my 40 second long tea brewing video that I tried to make very cozy for them is too long and too much to even bother to look at. Me sharing that out of joy of just having nice tea is something I think their middle class brains can’t see because in our fam I’m the one who has been piss poor for decades and they haven’t. When I can finally enjoy a treat that is probably a given to them, nobody cares. Not that I am saying they should, but why is it so hard to just be kind and nice. You can react to a thing just because its kind, probably feels nice when others do it for you so why not extend that even if you don’t care one bit about tea or the autumn leaf colours outside your sisters house that day.

But clearly there is no time to push a button once, because they are too busy watching tiktoks by people they don’t even know, doing the grind or gaming. Yet I am expected to look, comment and react to all the posts they make.

Not looking for advice, just venting a bit.