Hi everyone! It’s my first post here in an attempt to make this community a bit more active.
I’ve been recently diagnosed at 26 so it’s all pretty new to me. However, I really appreciate the fact that now I have a new vocabulary to talk about the stuff I experience and communities like this which might be helpful in understanding myself better.
I’m a Software Engineer and I love everything related to programming / Linux / Computer Science. It’s been quite literally the most important part of my life since I was like 15. Usually it’s great but sometimes when I get a new idea I tend to hyperfixate pretty hard on it to the point where it becomes quite tiring. It could be an idea for a new project, a new technology to learn or to configure something in my Linux setup. Right now it’s moving my entire computer setup to NixOS.
When I fixate on something like this I usually spend pretty much all of my free time on it. Moreover, my sleep usually is hurt as well because I often can’t fall asleep thinking about the stuff I’m currently working on. I will literally lie in bed trying to fall asleep and my brain tries to solve problems or plans and designs stuff. I will spend most of my weekends in front of the computer, even though I love spending time outside, especially in the nice summer weather. But I just can’t seem to stop. I force myself to go for walks and runs but it’s not really relaxing because, you guessed it, I’m thinking about my project all the time. If I try to distract myself with a podcast I will often notice 15 minutes in that I stopped listening after the first minute or so.
I need some way to balance this computer stuff with other things in my life. I just need to chill out sometimes. To play some games, watch some youtube or read a book lying in a hammock without thinking about programming literally every minute I’m awake.
The best solution I found so far is weed. It’s not 100% effective but in general getting high and going outside tends to help me relax at least a bit. Well, travelling or meeting with people is usually effective in breaking my train of thoughts too. But obviously it comes with its own set of challenges and it’s not something I’m willing to do often.
So, fellow autists, do you experience something similar? How do you deal with it? Please share advice, experience, or anything related.
(The last bit after the break line is the most important if this much text is a lot)
A while back I really started to look at how I was feeling in any given moment and allow that to help me decide what I should be doing about it. Ok that makes less sense without context so:
Imagine you’ve been going for a bit. You’re starting get hungry, a little thirsty, and you’re noticing that you’re rushing a little on certain things. Maybe you’ve felt the urge to snap at someone or you’re clawing at what you’re doing in the hopes that progress on it will help settle you done. Sometimes I’m just fixated on doing something and I’ll notice that nothing is scratching the itch so my search starts to make me feel desperate.
That’s the moment I’ll boot up Headspace(do whatever you want here I’m just saying what I do) and do a couple of the “morning” things. I find that they don’t do much for me if I start my day with them but they’re a great way to slow me down when I start to get funky in the afternoon. It reminds me that I don’t need to be doing something and that taking time to simply exist is ok. Even when I lose focus and get distracted by my thoughts I won’t give up on it and will still do my best while the timer’s running. I like an app because I can tell myself “these people made this for you, be respectful of that time and try to listen”.
Your walk n’ weed may have a similar function in your life but you’ve gotta make sure that you understand what’s happening through some honest introspection. It could very well be that you’ve already got a solution but haven’t yet realized it so it’s being held back.
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Personally I’ve found that working on listening to myself has always helped. Even when I can’t do my full break it’s helped that I can now notice when I’m starting to get into a bit of a state and, in that noticing, I can pivot. Sometimes it’s just as good to dramatically(but not so as to startle anyone else) put “pencils down” no matter what I’m in the middle of or where that middle is, close my eyes for a second, and come back in control. The drama is in gently pushing the mouse away, placing the instrument on my lap, or putting the phone face down on any available surface, and then place my open hands on my desk/lap/whatever isn’t the stressor to ground myself.
A shocking few things will actually be hurt by you “losing momentum” if you stop so abrubtly in this way and 95% of those are OSHA violations so you’re probably not going to encounter them much in day-to-day life.
It’s going to be hard, at least at first, but try to go easy on yourself. Some days it may not last as long as others, and every so often your solution might not even work, but that’s ok. You’re going to be ok.
Thank you for such an insightful response! I appreciate it very much. It actually resonates with me a lot. I will definitely try to apply your advice in my life.
I’m glad I could be helpful! Thanks for the thanks!