I’ve said for the longest time that it’s like being a prisoner in my own head because I have so much emotional retention. Only now am I beginning to discover that is because of years of being afraid to express how some of that stuff made me feel. Because most “men” or whatever would toughen up and not let it bother them. So I can’t tell if it’s toxic masculinity which traumatized me or autism. Maybe a little of column A and a little of column B

But as an adult, I am inherently people-pleasing, struggle with decisions, have extremely low self-confidence and act like I don’t even exist, etc